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Now, I am not an accomplished author or writer. But I do enjoy writing and reading good, original storylines.

And this is quite an interesting storyline!

The vocabulary is beautiful, but be aware that you use the power of words with care. A simple description can say much more than a paragraph of colorful sentences.

I admire the time you obviously spent on the wording and choice of words, and the way you set the tone.

As a completely new reader, it is helpful when the author--who knows his own story and characters inside and out--to give us new readers a description of the characters themselves. A little more than height and girth.

Coming into the story completely "blind" to the terminology and the "natural" look of the natives, its hard for me to instantly grasp your world.

But I am interested as to what you have here. Having animals as the main characters reminds me of Brian Jacques' "Redwall" series. Very nice!
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KyleLambert Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Professional Writer
I am going for a Redwall meets Star Wars vibe.
And this first chapter is to set the tone of the world, and display The Triumvirate's beliefs and punishment system.
I'm not going too much into the characters appearances, so much as the philosophy behind the world at this point.
I am going to describe appearances in depth right after the whole deal with Duncan. You'll understand when you read on.
Do tell me what you think.
5SilverFingers Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student General Artist
And that mixture is quite interesting in and of itself.

Ahhh... Understood.

And I shall!
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